Jen's birthday...time for another story!

Once again, it is J's Sister's birthday. She turns...old today.

I've been trying to think of another good story to tell about her, but all the ones I think of end up incriminating her in some way, shape, or form. I mean, she has always been "her own woman". Hard headed and determined. It's why she's such a kick-ass business-woman.

Things were "Her way or the highway" ever since she was a little girl, and things haven't changed much as she's grown. Take, for instance, her penchant for running away.

It seems that Jen has always been in a power struggle with my parents, from conception through High School graduation. If she had had her way, she would have been emancipated and living in an apartment in New York City by the time she was 7. While I was the son who missed his mommy after a week at Boy Scout Camp, she was the daughter who shrugged with indifference when mom and dad showed up to pick her up from horse camp.

"Did you miss us?" they'd ask.

"Sure. Yeah. Whatever." would be the reply.

"Whatever" became a very popular word in her vocabulary.

This power struggle was fairly one sided, at least until she started driving. Driving at the ripe old age of 13, I might add. Slightly ahead of society's accepted driving age but, like I said, she's her own woman.

Jen even tried to emancipate herself several times as a young girl by threatening to run away. I didn't understand why my big sis wanted to leave our family so badly and was more threatened than my parents were, to be sure.

"If you make me, I'll run away".

You gotta admire her, she was "plucky".

One night, my parents decided to call her bluff.

"Ok." My mom said. "Dad will help you pack and I'll make you a sandwich for your trip. You want peanut butter and jelly?"

"I mean it!" My sister yelled.

"I know, honey. So...Do you want peanut butter and jelly or something else?"

My sister stood and stared, trying to figure out what was going on. I ran to the family room and hid...if I wasn't there surely this wouldn't happen. Finely my sister responded "Yes, peanut butter and jelly!" and stormed to her room.

Mom went to the kitchen and dad went to her room to help her pack her little white suitcase with red stripes.

And me? Well, my mind was blown! What in the name of God was going on? Had my parents completely lost their minds? I was really starting to get worried now. What if my parents wanted to get rid of me next? Would they just go buy me a new sister? Dad liked to build things and tinker...maybe he'd make a trip down to the local hardware store, pick up some parts, and build a new one! And I'd never see my real sister again!

Good God, had the world completely gone nuts!?!!??

I think I started crying when dad helped Jen carry her suitcase down the stairs to the front door, prompting her to make sure she got her rain coat in case the weather turned bad. I was too overwhelmed to notice the thoroughly freaked out look on Jen's face.

She meekly said "I mean it. I'm running away..." as my mom brought her a paper bag with a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches inside.
"Ok, honey. Be careful. Make sure you look both ways before crossing the street. Send us a postcard when you get to wherever you're going..."

Dad opened the door and Jen walked outside into the night.

That was it for me. I ran back to the family room, buried my face in the sofa cushions and started bawling. I was never going to see her again! My mom tried to come comfort me but there was no comfort to be had. She was the one, after all, who had sold out and given in to my sister's threats. She even made sandwiches! SANDWICHES!!! Seriously, what the HELL was going on? I was doubting everything I knew to be real!

I didn't believe mom when she said she'd be back, that she couldn't go far. I called her a liar. I told her to get the hell away from me, that she had gone completely bonkers, that she was way out of line to let my sister go. There would be damnation and hellfire awaiting her at death.

I'm paraphrasing, of course. I was only 4 or 5.

After I calmed down, I went out to the kitchen to see what was going on and found my sister there. Eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She told me, matter of factly, that it was too cold out tonight and that she'd leave in the morning when it was brighter and warmer.

She was undefeated, merely set back. And I was traumatized for life...



Happy Birthday, sis! I love you!