Today is a little busier, which is a good thing. I'm not swamped by any stretch of the imagination, but I am being utilized.
I had some very weird dreams last night. The first one I remembered this morning was that Airport Security found a dead girl in the trunk of my new car. Strangely enough, that dream was less frightening and more interesting (I didn't kill the girl) than the next dream I had which involved advanced mathematics. That dream stressed the hell out of me.
For some reason, Angelique is on my mind a bit today. She pops into my head every now and again. Angelique is an ex-girlfriend from about 7 years ago, and she's also my most persistent ghost. I treated her poorly and the relationship ended badly. We have not spoken since 1999, at her request, and for some reason the relationship is still not "closed" in my mind. To be more clear, I have a lot of guilt about my behavior and immaturity when we dated and have a fairly large load of regret. I would do just about anything to apologize, to know she's well, to see her smile and know it's genuine. I don't want to interfere, I don't want to open any old wounds of hers that have healed.
About 5 weeks ago I called her house when no one was home. I got to hear her voice (on her answering machine) for the first time in 6 years, and she sounded so happy and well. She is married with a child that I can tell she adores. Of course, I left no message. And I haven't called since.
The GOOD news about me thinking about Angelique today is that I've been thinking about that brief call a while back. Of course, you can't tell how someone really is doing by an outgoing answering maching greeting but I know she's alive, is married, and has a daughter that loves her. On days like today that's just enough "closure" for me.
That's all the time I have right now. I will try to write a fun and creative personal history-based short story a little later. I'm installing WiFi in my apartment tonight, so I'll be able to blog from the couch at home if I so desire.
Until next time
J
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1 comment:
Sometimes it’s better to leave the ghosts of the past alone. I once wanted to track down a boy I liked when I was a young teenager. After much effort I was told he was happily married and a father to a little girl. I felt good, and then I was told he had cancer. I wish I never knew. I would have rather kept the image of a cute boy rather than a suffering man.
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